Took The Test

Well I took my pregnancy test today and it was negative so that means that we did in fact miscarry the baby. For anyone who may be reading this feeling sorry.... don't. I have made peace with it and with the Lord. His joy is my strength. I do not believe that I did anything wrong, nor do I believe that this was the will of the Lord. A miscarriage is a result of sin in the world.
Today I went to the inner court of the Lord. I sat down on the floor, put my hand on his scepter and then I looked up. When I did, the Lord was standing in the court, holding my child. He was small, wrapped in a blanket and had thick dark hair. He was precious. It was then that I realized that my little Ranen is in heaven right now. That does not mean that he will be there forever. I will see my son and the daughter that I miscarried last year. The Lord is good and we need to remember that at all times. I will not allow the enemy to steal the joy I had when I was carrying my son or my daughter and I will not let him steal my promises because the Lord never backs down on his word.
For anyone who is going through the same thing as me: Please know that there is nothing that you did wrong. You can't pray any harder than you believe in. You cannot have anymore faith than you believe in and do not throw out the faith that you did have when you were pregnant. Even if we do not receive a result in our time of faith and testing, in time of prayer and worship, that does not mean that the Lord did not hear you, or that what you fought through does not count to Him. He is daddy God and he cares about you just as much and more as you cared about your little one. I know that my kids are being taught and watched over by the best candidate for the job of Father and he knows what is best even when we feel like he doesn't. Stay in a good place and do not allow the enemy to take you off of the solid ground. Find rest and comfort in the arms of the Father.